I am socially backwards. Really, I am. I do not always do well in spontaneous situations where I come in contact with people and need to interact. Even with people I already know well I sometimes struggle. It could be spontaneous communication over a distance, as in a telephone conversation, but usually it’s the face to face situations where in my phobia lies. Do I present my thoughts and ideas well in the flow of the conversation, in the short time available to think about what I want to say? It’s a feeling of inadequacy that I haven’t yet found a way to overcome.
Avoiding situations where I will be in the spotlight is a tool I have used to try to muddle through life. It works most of the time, but not always. There are some face to face situations I can’t avoid. I am the Training Chief for my home town fire department, and I team teach a youth class in the Sunday school of my home ward. Both of these responsibilities require that I present information in person. At first it was stressful, but now I am familiar enough with those tasks that I am often at ease.
I have found, however, that blogging and other forms of social media are an escape from my fear of spur of the moment, in-person interactions that plague me. These mediums have allowed me to express myself without the anxiety that I feel in face to face conversations. Yes, I may still struggle to put my thoughts together intelligently during a rapid fire messaging session, but I also enjoy the freedom from fright, as it were. I can take a little bit longer to think about what I want to say than I could in a face to face situation, and my thoughts usually flow easier. Well, most of the time.
One of these behind the scenes communication opportunities I have taken advantage of is the citizen journalism section of my local newspaper, the Herald Journal. I have had 6 pieces published in the paper since the citizen journalism section opened up several years ago. The latest piece was in print just yesterday. You can read the post on my photo blog or on the portal that the local paper has set up to receive articles from the public.
I wonder about the irony of an introvert intentionally writing something that will be viewed by so many people. I know that many of the people who read the paper don’t know me and I will never hear what they thought about what I wrote, but a few people that I do know will comment about it when I see them next. Believe me when I say that I am already wondering how at ease I will be when those conversations happen!
